Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Captain Planet and the blog about it!

Captain Planet is a show about a environmentalist super hero who can only be summoned by five kids with five special rings!

And each ring had its own power. There was earth (which made the earth rise up and hit things) fire (which shot fire out of the ring like a flame thrower) water (which moved water so waves could rise up and splash things, yeah I thought it should blast out of the ring like a hose but anyway!) wind (which caused tornados) and heart (which allowed the wearer of the ring to understand things telepathically.)

I always thought Heart didn't belong with the other four forces of nature. Heart as a thing we all have, pumps blood! It doesn't have telepathic abilities! And heart in the abstract way is about love and compassion not telepathy and communication! That's the brains department. The fifth element of nature shouldn't be heart it should be brain!

But then again watching the show its obvious the creative staff didn't know what a brain is.

Monday, 29 August 2011

Aqua Teen what? Force!

What do you get when you have a shake fries and meat?

No not an order at a fast food restaurant that ran out of buns!

You get a TV show about talking food.

For those of you who thought little blue people and cars that turn into robots weren't enough I give you Aqua Teen Hunger Force!

The show about food that is also a superhero team (but they only fight crime in one episode I've seen). Its a comedy, and even if it wasn't I'd still have to laugh at it!

They're talking food! Their origins are unexplained, they live in a world that doesn't make sense, they come across the lamest people and I'm looking at this show far too critically!

Its comedy for comedy sake! Its funny cause you never know what will happen and after watching the show for years I still can never predict it!

I like the show but I am also glad there is no other show about talking food! Cause one is more then enough in the genre.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

Tripping the tits -er- rift! I said Tripping the Rift!

Tripping the Rift is a computer animated boobs science fiction comedy tits show about people on a space ship who melons make deliveries and other odd jobs hooters to make money- naa that's not what the show is about!

Its about breasts.

At least that's what it seem to be about. Its all I could focus on! The main ladies big bouncy breasts! Sure there is sexual innuendo and sexy legs but come on! But the shows all about the titties!

The characters are:

Chode McBlob; the ship Captain and not a woman with tits.

Whip; the dorky lizard nephew of the Captain also has no tits.

Gus; the Captains gay metal robot (think C3-PO but more gay) also by definition not a woman with tits.

T'Nuk Layor; the fat ugly cow woman. She is the pilot of the ship and has three breasts but you don't wanna think about them.

And then theres Six.

Six; the super hot cyborg sex slave with big breasts owned by the Captain. She is also the science officer and has the nicest roundest bounciest pair of chesticals I have ever seen in computer graphics! And her boobs look so nice!

If you love boobs you'll love this show! Even if you love boobs but hate sci-fi and comedy you'll love this show!

Friday, 26 August 2011

This is about Family Matters

Family Matters

Is it telling us what its about or is it stating a fact?

Is it about family matters or is it that family matters?

The answer:

It is about family matters and family matters.

But this show doesn't matter.

The show revolves around a family and their life.

The show was bad and had bad ratings.

The show added a retarded dork named Steve Urkel and the show got worse and its ratings got better.

You gotta love it when a show can go down hill with a crappy character and go up hill in the ratings!

Maybe I should add a character to my blog! That'll bring in the ratings! I'll add to my blog a whinny complainy reviewer of TV shows!

Oh wait, never mind!

Thursday, 25 August 2011

A blog about TV shows.

As I was writing a post today I got to wondering what the people who read this blog like to watch.

So instead of writing about a TV show today I wanna ask: What to YOU guys like to watch?

What is your favorite TV show of all time?

What show do you hate the most?

I'll go back to doing what I normally do tomorrow.

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Game Shows

America has Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and The Price is Right. Canada has Gutterball Alley!


What is it? It was (now cancelled) a Canadian game show on the Comedy Network (a Canadian channel) in 2002 based around bowling!

Its premise is people do odd tests to win up to three balls then get to bowl them down gutterball alley and for every pin you knock down you get $50 and if you get a gutterball you lose all your money! And at the end of the show the top winner gets the chance to change in their winnings for whats behind one of four doors. The prizes range from a large CD collection to a Pladium Power Party (with pizza) to a Trip to Cuba!

Sounds lame? Hell no! Its Canadian, we're all crazy!

Here's a break down of the three games the three contestants played in one episode.

Game one: Butt Vinyard (host comments its based on Angelo's Asses and Grapes of Ass)

In it the contestant has 30 seconds to stick as many grapes down a fat mans underwear as she can.

Once done the fat man must squeeze the grapes between his ass and the chair to make as much "AssWine" as possible.

It drips into a container under the chair and once complete the contents are pored into a cup with 3 markings on it.

The higher the cup is filled the more balls that are one for the contestant to bowl with.

This particular contestant gets just under the two ball line prompting the host to offer her one more ball if she drinks the juice. So she does.

With her two balls she steps up to bowl. The first ball knocks down seven pins making her $350! And with her second ball she gets a gutterball and loses all her money!

Wow, drinking that AssWine was a really bad idea!

Second Game: Condom Taste (the host comments that in this game the contestant must swallow more than their pride)

In this game the contestant must taste flavored condoms as they are held against a midgets crotch and accurately guess their flavour. For each one she gets right she wins a ball. I couldn't make this up if I tried!

As the contest starts she quickly downs the first one getting its flavour correct she then quickly tries the second one getting it correct as well.

This prompts the host to say "Your great at this have you practised?" To which the girl smiles and says "Yup" and quickly goes to taste the third one.

Getting it correct she wins three balls and doesn't have to try the remaining two dildos which unfortunately go unsucked!

But then the host jokingly says the fourth flavor was "Dirty old man in a rain coat!"

So then the girl goes to bowl her three balls. The first one downs six pins for $300 and the second ball as well downs six for $300! For a total of $600! She then steps up and throws her last ball and GUTTERBALL! She loses all her money! If only she hadn't tasted so many dildos!

Game Three: Poison Pinatas.

In this game the contestant must poke 3of5 pinatas blind folded with a harpoon while sitting right underneath them. First on has toy bowling ball (win) second one has brown goo (lose) and the third has green goo (lose). So with that the guy covered in brown and green goo bowls his only shot and gets one pin. $50!

So with all the games over the three consistence stand with the host for the end of game door prize.

But before they get to that the host offers the man covered in brown and green goo $20 to lick his own shorts. The guy trys to bump it to fifty and the host makes the offer to one of the girls instead.

The dildo sucking girl leaps on the chance and takes the $20 from the host then gets on her knees and licks the guys crotch!

She then pockets the money in her chest pocket then does a little happy dance!

The guy (as top winner with $50) is given the chance to exchange his money for a chance at whats behind one of the doors. He chooses and ends up with a Pladium Power Party for two hours of unlimited games pizza and play.

The two girls? The first one gets the memories of AssWine and the second gets a better understanding of oral sex with condoms.

So that's the show!

I wont comment on the show or give my opinion. I'll just let it stand on its own.

So what do you think of the game show? Would you play in it?

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Tremors the TV show.

Tremors wasn't only a movie it was a TV show! But is that good?

I loved the movie Tremors. I love TV. They made a TV show out of Tremors. Sounds good? Well maybe.

Here's how I think the idea came about.

It probably went like this:

Executive one - Tremors 1-3 are very popular movies lets make it an hour long TV show!

Executive two - Good idea! I love ideas for TV shows that are already established!

Executive one - Fuck new ideas!

So there it is! They made a TV show about it.

But they had no budget.

They couldn't get all the surviving cast members so you only get some characters.

They couldn't get guns for Bert Gummer's gun collection, so they wrote he was bankrupt.

They couldn't have to many special effects so the monsters barely appear and when they do appear its the same shot used multiple times.

They took a fun monster fighting movie and took out the fighting and the monsters and that ain't fun!

Yup movies about killing monsters in a small town turns in to a TV show about people living in a small town who occasionally deal with monsters and monster related things.

Wow now that's must see TV!
I don't know why it only lasted one season!

Can you imagine if they did that with other movies? What about a TV show based on the movie the Seven Samurai?
Its just after the surviving samurai leave, the village goes back to normal and they harvest their grain... and that's it. Just villagers harvesting grain and making food and chatting. Maybe the one guy (Rikichi) with the dead wife starts dating again! Heck maybe he dates Shino and Manzo worries his daughter might become a full blown slut! BUT WHO CARES!

Monday, 22 August 2011

Another Monday Another Blog About Raymond.

For anyone who doesn't know I blog about the TV show Everybody Loves Raymond cause my girlfriend watches the show and I end up watching it too, so I write my thoughts down cause if I didn't I'd go crazy! Well, more crazy then I already am!

So today's episode is from season six episode four called Ray's Ring. It starts as Ray and his brother Robert are at a hotel on a business trip and Robert ends up loosing Rays ring down a heater vent.

Not able to retrieve it they head to the airport to go home without it and with the hopes the superintendent of the hotel will be able to get it out sometime.

While at the airport Ray is hit on by a woman twice as hot as his wife and twenty times as nice.

At first she just casually talks to Ray and he being polite talks back to her. Then she asks if he wants to go get a drink at the airport bar and that's when he realizes shes hitting on him cause he doesn't have his wedding ring on. He then tells her of the mix up and she leaves.

The next day at home Ray tells his wife, Debra, about loosing the ring and she is a bit upset. And then before Ray can mention the woman hitting on him his father comes barging into the house and talks about the woman hitting on him (that he had heard from Robert).

To this Debra gets mad.

Very very mad.

Debra loses it and storms up the stairs and throws his clothes out the window.

And I gotta wonder, what the heck is up with that?

Since when does being hit on and instantly turning down the woman count as some thing to get mad about?

If some man walks past Debra and says "Nice tits! Fancy a shag?" Should Ray tell her to go to hell? Call her a slut? Beat her up? No!

Then why is she acting this way!

I can barely take this episode seriously! It seems like it should be a parody of the show! Something you'd see on Mad TV or a YouTube video! Some parody called Everyone Hates Ray And You Don't Get To Know Why! Where everyone acts like an exaggeration of the characters! Instead of stupid reasons for getting mad they just get mad for the heck of it! You said hello your mean! Yell Yell! You looked at me that means you hate my brother! Yell Yell! We are all retarded! Yell Yell! and so on!

Where they so out of ideas for them to get mad about they just started having them get mad for no reason!

So in the end they resolve their non issue and everything goes back to normal, or what passes for normal in the show!

I so hate Raymond.

Saturday, 20 August 2011

My Two Cents on My Two Dads

I watched this show for the first time last week.

I thought this show was gonna be about two homosexuals who have a daughter but as it turns out its about two guys who did a chick thirteen years ago and now that shes dead they both get custody of her daughter!

Yup that's the set up for the show. They both were dating the same chick and screwing her around the same time and the paternity is not known...

What the heck?!

What a crazy set up for a show!

Its very contrived!

So these two very different guys who haven't been friends in a decade now life together with a little girl. Their very different and often fight over things with each other in a friendly way.

And I gotta wonder is it really about two straight guys with a daughter? Or is that just a front for a show really about two homosexuals? Was this story just made up like this to cover the the fact the two guys are suppose to be gay? Is it all subtle like Bert and Ernie, living together and not being gay but so obviously gay?

But in the end does it matter? No. The show sucks and I'm never gonna watch another episode!

Friday, 19 August 2011

Murphy Blog.

I remember Murphy Brown.

Do you remember that show? It was about a news anchor named Murphy Brown. In it she works on the hard hitting news show FYI and has to deal with the dumbing down of the news.

There are many episodes that deal with her and her co-workers fighting against sensationalistic journalism and trying to stay legit and intelligent!

They often use to exaggerate the dumber story's the other news shows would deal with to add to the humorous spin on things! But now looking back on the stories that were the parody's of the stupid news of the 80's I realised something.

Our news reporting has gotten worse!

News shows today are worse than the silly parodied news reports in the 80's!

To re iterate, they use to joke the news reporting was getting so dumbed down, but now the news reporting is more dumbed down then the joke reporting of the 80's!

Now real life news reporting is the joke!

How sad is the world when the silly parodied news of the 80's is more legit than the "real" news of the year 2011!

What have we become?

Where do you guys get your news from?

Thursday, 18 August 2011

A blog about nothing.

Seinfeld! It was innovative different and humorous! I loved it! But what else can I say about a show about nothing... oh I know!

What do you think about Seinfeld?

I'm gonna tell you about a TV show.

So kids let me tell you about "How I Met Your Mother"

Did you ever watch that TV show?

Its all about this guy telling his kids about how he met their mother.

But where is the mother?

The shows been on for six years of story and no mother! This isn't how I met your mother! Its what I did and who I screwed before I met your mother!

Sure a funner story but still, why the title of How I Met Your Mother and no mother?

A friend of mine said: Their probably saving the big reveal of the mother for the final episode! Cause who's gonna wanna watch the show after they meet the mother!

To that I say: I hope to hell not!

If the story of how he met their mother can contain at least six years of story prior to his meeting their mother it should contain at least six years of story after their meting!

But I have a fear that's just what their gonna do!

Ted(main character)Mosby - And then I turned and saw your mother. She said 'Hi' and I said 'Hi'... and that's it. That's how I met your mother! The end.

Son - um dad... is that it?

Daughter - Yeah, why go through the six years prior just to end here!

Ted Mosby - Well... um... I just wanted you to know about all the girls I banged!

Son - Cool story dad!

Daughter - Your such a pig dad!

Ted Mosby - Now to tell you about the night you were conceived! It was a dark and stormy night and my grandfather was with his unit trekking through Europe trying to kill as many Nazis as possible...

But that's just my opinion on the show. Whats yours?

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Clark Kent is Superman Bruce Wayne is Batman and Captain America is Grant Gardner, wait what?

Serials! They were TV shows before TV existed! For those who don't know what a serial is look it up on google.

So today I talk of the serial Captain America! We all know who he is right? He's the hero who stands for America and it's freedom! And we all know his secret identity as district attorney Grant Gardner!... wait, what?!

That's right for the 1944 Republic Serial they changed Captain Americas name and job, sure he still fights for America but now its in a way more to a cop or Batman. There is no Nazi menace for him to fight (even though there still was one in the real world!) he instead tries to catch a crime lord known as the Scarab who is killing scientists and stealing their inventions!

And why not? Who cares about the Nazi menace! We don't need him wasting his time with that! Go catch thugs! Way more important! Thugs might take over the world!... actually he might have some thing there!

One episode deals with a scientific invention known as the dynamic vibrator. So yeah you get to hear some old people talking about a vibrator with total straight faces!

So district attorney Grant Gardner sets out to stop the crime boss with the help of Captain America!

So he really just helps himself... or does he?

Here is how serials break down:

Cliffhanger from previous episode resolves hero survives
Hero regroups
Hero gets upper hand on villain
Villain withdraws and thinks up new scheme
Villain gets upper hand on the hero with a cliffhanger end!

And in the Captain America serial Grant Gardner is Captain America for the cliff hangers.

Grant Gardner kicks ass and Captain America gets his ass handed to him!

As Grant Gardner he has a gun and shoots to kill as Captain America he usually forgoes the gun for his fists and often gets beat down or tied up!

      Staying legit to the comic book Captain America drives a station waggon and carries a rifle.

So why then does Grant Gardner bother changing to Captain America? He's obviously more of a danger to criminals as himself then as Captain America! Does the costume strike fear into the criminals minds? Maybe, but a gun is more effective!

This serial shouldn't be called Captain America it should be called Grant Gardner district attorney who likes to dress up in tights occasionally!

                           Captain America falling down a big hole. The directors artistic representation of the serial?

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Ahh Canada!

Being a Canadian I know a lot about Canadian TV shows, not to imply all Canadians know about Canadian TV shows but I do!

So this rant will be about a Canadian TV show!

Now first what can I say about Canadian TV? When its good it good! and when its bad it's Radio Active!

What is Radio Active?

Radio Active was a Canadian TV show about 4 kids going to high school and no they weren't superheroes who got their powers from radioactivity they were active in the schools radio!

They were Radio Active!

But one of them did have the retardedness of someone exposed to radiation! So he might have been both!

The show revolves around the kids as they go to high school and work on their radio show (which is only broadcast in the high school).

So we see the kids in the radio stations room some times and in the schools halls other times and occasionally in an actual class room.

But being Canadian this show has no budget!

The halls rarely feature other kids in the back ground and you only ever see two teachers and the classrooms are often only made up of the four kids!

The exact four kids in the cast!

What the heck?!

Sure they mention other kids in school and sometimes in the radio station room scenes talk of having classes with them but when we see an actual classroom its a small room with desks for four students and a desk for the teacher.

This seems odd to me. Is this show trying to trick people into thinking class sizes are good in Canadian schools? Could they really not afford a few extras to be in the background?

Why the small class? Are these kids in special ed? Are they all retarded? That one kid definitely is! And if they are all retarded why are they let on the radio- oh wait, now I get it! That's why radio shows always seems so lame!

Oh Canada!

Does anyone out there watch Canadian TV? And if so what do you watch?

Monday, 15 August 2011

For the crappiest day of the week I give you the crappiest TV show!

Monday blog is Raymond blog!

Everybody Loves Raymond season 3 episode 14 called "pants on fire" but I like to call "a mothers love". Why? Cause this seems accurate to how I've seen mothers act to there sons.
In this episode like all the others Marie likes her son Raymond more than her other son Robert. But then she hears Ray (a man in his thirty's) talk about having thrown a party in their house when he was a teenager, suddenly Marie is indifferent to Ray and gives praise and lavish gifts of food to Robert, her new favorite son!

She is not subtle with this and if this is her attempt to make Ray become sorry for his actions it only helps show Robert how much he usually doesn't have his mothers love.
And this saddens me, do punish her one son (Raymond) she ends up showing her other son (Robert) how much she does not usually care for him!

I fell bad for Robert, not having his mothers love most of his life and then getting it solely because his mom is mad at his brother!

What a terrible mother.

But as always things are put back to where they were in the beginning of the show as Robert talking to his mother makes the joke "Imagine if it was my party" to wit Marie assumes it was and that Raymond is only covering for his brother and goes back to loving Raymond and leaving Robert alone to wallow in his bitterness.

Which leaves me wondering is it better to be loved and know its conditional or not to be loved at all?

Friday, 12 August 2011

You ever hear the term so lame its funny? Well heres a show so funny its lame. Battletoads.

Now for the last blog about the TV shows I got from that box in my garage.

Based on a fun Nintendo game, the battletoads TV show attempted to have the same fun loving attitude as the game. But did it succeed? No. Obviously not, or else I wouldn't have written this!

The TV show has stupid puns, silly expressions, crazily dressed kids (including a pink haired punk kid in a leather jacket ripped blue jeans and sandals!), odd animal enemies, a sexy dominatrix villain and of course 3 retarded battletoads called Zits, Rash and Genital Warts!

But with all the wacky humour, constant jokes and its never trying to be at all real attitude it ends up being lamer than the Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad! At lest with them you could laugh AT the show!

You can't laugh at this show cause it's trying to make fun of its self! Its pathetic! Its self deprecating!
The premise of the show is stupid and the characters in the show think its stupid as well!

No straight man dealing with the silliness of the situation only comedy relief characters talking to comedy relief characters (with no comedy happening)!

The animation is bad and the show doesn't even attempt to be well made, at one point the three loser kids (who will become the Battletoad) are at a grocery store when they are confronted by a birdman and a princess who leap out of a video game and tell them of there need to escape the rule of the dark queen (who dresses like a dominatrix) and as this epic duologue goes on we the audience are treated to a shot of a black guy casually reading a newspaper!



And then after the three are turned into Battle toads and continue their talk with the birdman the camera zooms into a magazine rack, then pulls away from the magazine rack!



So its no surprise this show only lasted one episode. Its terrible stacked on terrible with terrible on the side! And if your curious to see it, well I don't know what to say!

(Oh and to top it off not only did this show only has one episode but at the end of said episode the words "the beginning" appear at the bottom of the screen!)

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Dino Riders yeah.

So recently I blogged about recently finding tapes in my garage with TV shows on them and how I will be blogging about them. I blogged about the first one already, so here's the second one!

Dino Riders! About people who ride dinos!

So basically it's about some people called the Balorians, like in the MST3K episode Space Mutiny but with out all the hot girls in spandex! As the show starts out the Balorians are flying in a spaceship trying to escape from some spaceship full of Reptile people of a verity of Reptilian ancestry (there very Reptilianly culturally diverse! with one of them even being a hammerhead shark!).

The multicultural Reptile people want the Balorians dead for reasons the writers were to lazy to write (so I'm gonna say they wanna kill them for their crimes against fashion cause they all wear ridiculous head bands that would make Mark Knopfler cringe!).

So as they try to escape their attackers they all end up being dragged through time and end up on prehistoric earth!

So of course they decide to mess up our history and wage their pointless war against each other by strapping armor and weapons to dinosaurs and fighting!

Forget making tanks and machines to fight with!

Strap that stuff to a dinosaur! I mean, it makes sense right? Not only will it make a good toy but its also the most logical solution! I mean come on! Tanks? Did we use them in WW1 and WW2? No we strapped turrets to elephants! We had men with machine guns ride on rhinos! Cause that's how you wage war! It just makes sense!

So they each make their armies of dinosaurs strapped with weapons and armor to fight each other and in doing so have to dismantle there ships for parts, insuring that they'll never get home!

But that's okay, they have their war to keep them busy! And boy do their battles go on!

The epic battle in this sole episode contains them all fighting on there heavily armoured dinosaurs, with the Reptile people on triceratops and the Reptile leader on the sole T-Rex and the Balorians on triceratops, brontosaurus and what looks to be peaceful raptors all crowded in a field firing at each other!

In close range!

And with no one getting hit!

The dinosaurs were obviously a good idea.

You can always get a nice clean shot while riding on the back of some triceratops!

And my favorite part is when the brontosaurus with four lasers on its neck and a giant box strapped to its side with four people in it sneaks up on the T-Rex and opens fire! Causing the T-Rex to be surrounded on all sides with by dinos firing at it! But of course the T-Rex doesn't care! All the shots are misses! and the T-Rex just keeps firing back! and those shots are misses too!

But then the human leader has an IDEA he gets one of the flying dinos (did I mention each side has flying dinos too! each sold separately) to pick him up and fly him around. With this he is now able to hit the T-Rex in the head and destroy the "brain box" controlling it thus causing it to go wild and run off!

Why he (or anyone else) couldn't have made that shot before is beyond me but I guess I just don't understand the finer points of shooting at dinosaurs while riding on dinosaurs! So with that the Reptiles run off and... that's it, there is no other episode of this show that I ever heard of, so that makes this show history. And since it happened on prehistoric earth I guess its our history! (but you'll never hear it taught in school!)

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad! We need more S's!

So recently I was looking through old boxes I had in the garage and I came across some tapes with TV shows on them, not shows I recorded on tape but TV shows you could buy on tape! So I decided to watch them and talk about them in my blog!

The first of the three is Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad and what can I say about that name using as many S's as posible!

Superlame Sucky Suck Show!

What a lame attempt to ride the success of the PowerRangers! But of course there are important differences between the two shows!

Firstly the Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad is about four highschool kids in a band who always go into the computer to fight their retarded nemesis and of course have to use such cool puns as "Lets kick some GigaButt" and "You should be glad we haven't turned you into raw data!" where as the PowerRangers were five random high school kids who always fought there enemies in the middle of the city knocking over buildings and killing thousands of people in the process!

      Here's a picture from a fight scene. For some reason the camera  man
focused on the guys ass. I guess he likes man ass in leather!

Secondly the PowerRangers had the two guys named Bulk and Skull as comedy relief whereas for the Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad half their own team members ARE the comedy relief!

Case in point!

In the episode I saw one of the four Superhuman SamuraI'm not gonna keep writing out there team name, one of the GroupOfTheLongName falls in love with a teacher at school and tells his friends who mistakenly think the teacher in question is an old ugly lady and then decide to "help" their friend. So later as their friend, who is all dressed up in his outdated 1970's get up (which was cool again when this was taped in the 90's!) and caring a present and some flowers for the teacher, is walking down the school hallway and going to meet up with the teacher they stop him and get him to bend over to pick something up for them and as he does they throw a sack over his head, pull it down to his legs, then tie him up in it with a rope, throw him over one of their shoulders and carry him down the school hallway in plain view of everyone.

No I am not joking. They really did that! They throw a sack over his head and kidnap him in the middle of their school hallway!

Here's the picture to prove it!

Next scene takes place at the Superlongnameteam's hidden fortress (ie their leader's parent's basement) as the leader/dumbass and the girl/girl (nothing much to say about her) look at the computer and try to solve the weekly computer emergency that is indangering the city the lovelorn/comedy relief guy is duct taped to a chair and the jock/drummer of the team is showing him pictures of hot girls out of a magazine to try and teach him about true beauty!

Sorry, I take back what I said! The whole team is the comedy relief!

Better yet the whole show is a joke!

(Oh and if your wondering what happened in the rest of the episode; they all team up and fight the monster of the week as tied up guy forgives his friends for tying him up and then they all find out the teacher the guy likes is conventionally attractive and if you weren't wondering what happend in the rest of the episode I'm sorry I made you read that!)

So yeah, the Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad sucks.

If you hate the PowerRangers you'll hate this show but if you love the PowerRangers, you'll still hate this show!

Monday, 8 August 2011

This Blogs about Breasts!

I just watched Everybody Loves Raymond season 4 episode 1 and in it Debra forces Ray to go to a School Parents Night which I have qualms with but since its not the focus of the episode it wont be the focus of my rant (hopefully I'll whine more about it some other time).

In this episode while at the School Parents Night (which takes place in some lady's house) Debra is off camera shown the breasts of the hostesses new boob job, she then relates this to Ray who of course is very interested and wants to know more about the breasts. Debra then complains of Rays interest in the breast. Which I think is odd, guys like breasts why is she surprised he's interested in hearing more? I'm not even there and I'm interested in hearing more!

That night while they lie in bed they continue their discussion on the woman's boobs and Debra asks Ray if he thinks she should get a boob job and Ray's response is that she shouldn't if she thinks its stupid.

To this I fully agree, women should not get a boob job if they do not want one. On the other hand if the woman is open to it and her husband wants it a boob job maybe the answer to the question! Now I'm not saying woman should get boob jobs left and right! There are guys who do not like fake tits and if you're a woman and single who knows what kind of guy you might end up with. But if your spending the rest of your life with someone who'd like it if you had a bigger pair, then they should be considered and then maybe discounted for safety reasons!

But to Rays comment Debra takes it as an offence and then acts distant which causes Ray to comfort her and then apologises to her and takes back what he said, killing any real discussion or debate on the subject they could have had. And then Debra offended goes to sleep angry.

And this is what pisses me off, there could have been more discussion on the topic which could have added a lot of humour to the episode and shown peoples different outlooks on the topic based on men and women's outlooks, but American sitcoms hate discussion so the scene changes as Ray gets home after a week on the road and sees Debra for the first time and it seems that in the in term shes gotten bigger tits (but as a skeptic viewer I realised she is obviously pretending she got them enlarged to prove some stupid point to Ray which we the viewers already know).

Ray is aroused to see the enlarged tits, (which are now bigger than before but still not big enough for a good titty screw but anyway), and Debra seems to be aroused at his arousal but of coarse its an act and she just keeps acting sexy in till Ray says he likes it and then she reviles the forgery to Ray by pulling the socks out from here bra revealing her fake fake tits and then precedes to yell at him for having liked her larger breasts!

Cause apparently men can't like it if there wives have bigger tits, apparently if your wife gets breast enlargements you're suppose to act all grossed out!

At least that's what Debra wants!

I gotta wonder if this is normal? Are a lot of woman so sensitive they can't handle their husbands having diverse taste in woman?

If your wife is skinny can you only like skinny woman?

If shes fat can you only like fat women?

I like woman of all shapes and sizes, all hair colours and skin colours, so does that mean the only woman who can put up with me is Mystique the shape shifter from X-men?

Debra then goes from being angry with Ray to depressed about her appearance, you gotta love this kind of conflict resolution in a TV show they don't debate the topic or talk on it, the wife never listens to here husbands side and realizes how they can work together instead she just does a silly test then whines about the results (which include her husband supporting her) and then gets all depressed and mopey.

I really hope this is a funny and well liked show cause people like to watch and laugh at the idiots on the show but I have a feeling people like this show cause they relate to the people in it, so that scares me a bit, but on a good note at least Debra learns an important lesson. Men like big tits! I don't know about you guys but than news surprised me! I always thought Playboy magazine featured large breasted woman as ads for the less fortunate.

Sunday, 7 August 2011

All In The Family wasn't kept all in the family it was aired on TV!

All in the Family is a show I was told about by my dad in 1996 but I didn't get a chance to watch it in till 1999 when finally a TV station in my area decided to play it!
Watching the show I noticed it had a lot of stories involving people dealing with gender equality and racial equality and humorous turns on social norms.

Example: Edith Bunkers at a bus station with her husband Archie Bunker puts down her luggage next to her and then a big black man takes it mistaking it for his (because their almost identical) and Edith realize this but before she can go to tell him he took the wrong piece of luggage Archie stops her and tells her not to and then explain that the 6foot tall black man in a leather jacket and army pants with an afro might just beat her on the spot for bothering him! But Edith the ever loving woman ignores Archie's protests and approaches the man and tells him of the mistake and the huge tough looking black man realizes his mistake and thanks Edith in a nice and friendly way!

Now this kind of don't judge people by there appearance thing I had seen multiple times through the 90's and thought the show seemed kind of lame and redundant, but then it hit me!
This show was on the air from 1970-1979! The episodes were 20-30 years old! The shows I had watched in the 90's were the stale copy's to this show!
All the stereotype smashing of the 90's all the moving to a more open minded way was all copied from a show decades past! All in the family was the cutting edge show!
And then I found out All in the Family was based on a TV show from England in the 60's call Till Death Us Do Part!
So now I don't know what to think! Rule Britannia!

I Blog about Raymond cause my girlfriend watches the show and I watch it with her and I gotta say this stuff and get it off my chest or I'll go insane! Hey this is the longest title I have ever seen!

Everybody Loves Raymond season 3 episode 10 Rays parents find out there almost in the danger zone health wise and what do they do? Sail that new found knowledge to successville?
No, they go over board!
To cut back on fat they go all out with a tofu turkey for Thanksgiving, I love tofu but come on! Thanksgiving? Eat a god damn turkey if you want to. It's one day a year! But no, they go totally over board and try to only eat healthy food all the time and in the end are totally against eating healthy cause of there experience!
Is this good? I see this as something that could seep in to the subconscious of the audience, eating good is bad. These people did it and they hated it, you'd hate it to!
Come on! Wheres moderation? Why is there no show of someone slowly adapting to eating better? Why is it all or nothing? Why must people give up on their diet at the end of the episode? I'm a fat guy myself but I've adopted a healthier outlook, I use to drink 2L of pop a day, now I might drink 2L of pop every week or two! Its not the healthiest but hey its healthier! And that's the point of good health, don't go over board one way or the other!
Moderation don't go over board, sail that ship at seas until your in your seventies!
To quote Jimmy Buffet - "Moderation is the key!"

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Lois and Clark and my Blog about it!

The last few weeks I've been watching Lois and Clark the New Adventures of Superman... well old adventures of Superman, the show has been off the air for 14 years! The time in which the show has been off the air is starting high school and smoking its first cigarette!
Anyway for those that never saw the show its about Lois and Clark (who is secretly Superman) and there adventures as they happen in the modern day's of the 90's! (which is a long time ago!)
Now I never watched the show back in the 90's beyond a couple episodes, but a few years ago I bought all the dvds and watched the whole show from beginning to end! It had its ups and downs and it had interesting twists on the whole Superman mythos, but what really bothered me (cause I only write these blogs to complain) was even though they modernized the whole thing and made it seemed more plausible it still boiled down to Lois hanging out with Clark who looks identical to Superman but none of the reporters (even Lois) ever saying "Clark do you really think your tricking anybody with that? All you did was dress in spandex and take off your glasses! Dork!"
Can you imagine what ramifications that has for their dimensional reality? Seriously if that can happen in the show, some guy can put on a fake mustache rob a few banks take off the mustache and never get caught! You could put on an eye patch and go on live TV and tell off the world and later hear your family talk about it as they wonder who could have done it!
But of course that stuff doesn't happen in the show only Clark Kent's glasses can do it!
And I know what your thinking, your thinking I'm being picky! That I should just suspend my disbelief. Well I do suspend my disbelief! I accept Superman can fly! I accept that each week a new danger emerges! I accept Superman will always win! But the glasses, they break this bloggers back!

I talk about TV. So does that mean I can't talk about movies? Wait! TV Moives!!

Recently I watch the SyFy (cool spelling guys thanks for the headache!) channels original movie "Road Kill" and boy was it contrived! Its about seven young people on a road trip through Ireland who are attacked by a Roc (mythic bird not inanimate object on the ground).
After one of them is killed by the Roc the others are all aware of the creature and their predicament. So now what? Are they still gonna get killed off one at a time like in horror movies when no one knows they are in danger? Or do they work to fight the monster together using logic and cunning like in the movie Tremors?
At first I don't know how the movie will unfold but as a tire on their RV goes flat and is in need of changing my mind races with thoughts of how they could tackle the problem and have some people look out for the Roc from the RV and others could go out of the RV and watch the sky for the Roc as two or three of them work on changing the tire as quick as possible!
So what do they do? They send out the sole black guy to change it by himself. So yeah, they get picked off one at a time through out the movie. Wow awesome!
And in the end the only fun thing about the TV movie is seeing some cleavage (although the hottest girl dies first) and trying to guess in which order they die (the movie has people die in an order I did not suspect)!
All I can really say about TV movies is at least they're free!

I Blog About Raymond cause I Love Raymo- oh wait! no, I blog about Raymond cause it pisses me off!

Ah Everybody Loves Raymond season 3 episode 2! Rays father drives like a maniac and puts people in danger! Ray's brother Robert try to tell his dad driving bad is not okay and Debra doesn't want Frank driving the kids but Ray is too much of a pussy to confront his father about it and says nothing.
And this is one of the things that pisses me off about this show, they're two grown men afraid to call their dad on his BS! And one of them is a cop! If he was my dad I'd tell him in no uncertain way, "Dad you are an unsafe driver and I don't want you driving my kids around! If you in danger them by driving them somewhere I'll knock your block off!" But no they pussy foot around it! It makes me think of how many people must be out there driving like assholes in dangering their kids and other kids, and how many people just turn a blind eye cause their to afraid to stand up to their parents! Its one thing when its letting you're parents dictate your personal life its another when their personal life affects other people!
I think of how someone might loose a kid in a car accident to a bad driver and then say "We should be harder on bad drivers!" Well to hell with waiting I'm saying it now! I've never lost someone to a bad driver, but I still think this is important! A heavier stance against crappy driving should be taken! I'm glad to see that ad least Debra didn't put up with this BS, she stays on Ray till he confronts his father about it!

Friday, 5 August 2011

The Not Quite Accurate Title

So I was watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and I have some opinions on it, what? You don't care? Its only a TV show? I know its only a TV show and all but when people watch something it leaks in to their conciseness and can affect how they think, I question everything and think critically on things so it wont affect me like that, and this blog is how I do that! The episode in question is Everybody Loves Raymond season 3 episode 22. The episode is called "Working Girl" which of course had me thinking Debra was gonna take up being a prostitute but of course the shows not that cool! The show starts as Debra comes home from a dinner with her girlfriends and talks to Ray about being bored with spending her days doing house work this being brought to her attention by having talked to here old friends who are doing things that she considers more interesting. Which kinda pisses me off, its like she only wants to do more cause her friends are doing more. Which just seems like she arbitrarily decided this instead of really feeling it. Which I feel is a problem many people have in life: Constantly wanting what others have just cause they hear someone expressing enjoyment in it. Do they miss read the enjoyment of listening as an enjoyment in the act? Do they think they should do everything everyone they know has done? But of course this is not brought up in the show they just walk up stairs and the opening credits roll. Anyway Debra then gets a job to add excitement to her life and then gets fired on her first day. Ray goes to ask her boss for a second chance and the boss tells him she fired her not because the reasons Debra told Ray but cause shes stubborn and argumentative. Which is nice to hear the female boss say cause this show has a tendency to make all the woman in it complainers who don't get annoyed by complaining. Which I think is very odd, in this day and age of gender equality we still have TV shows full of really annoying woman! I know lots of woman who do not complain and instead solve there problems but on TV it seems most woman complain and then complain. Is it cause the shows are written by men with complaining wives or is it suppose to be a humorous turn on real life like when you see the three stooges at a fancy dinner party throwing pies with the cultured guests? Either way it could be interrupted the other way and therefor show a world I don't think exists but subconcisely viewers might start to think does exist! And does she try to resolve the issue of being more argumentative? Does she learn from her experience and grow as a person? No. And why not? Are sitcoms suppose to be about people stuck in their ways? About adults who never learn? Are we suppose to just laugh at them and not relate to them? Do people think they are suppose to act this way? Do people act this way? I don't know! I'm pretty open minded and I'm always open to change when change is needed so are my friends so I can't tell if this is how most people are and the show is a reflection of that or if its a show that's just meant to be laughed at like the three stooges or does the show never change cause the writers are lame and stagnant and can't think of anything better to do?

Thursday, 4 August 2011

Who Loves Raymond?

So recently I have been watching the TV show Everybody Loves Raymond (yeah I watch the show, I ran out of good shows to watch and am now watching crap!) and I am bothered by some of the things in the show. Firstly how Raymond gets along with his wife (Debra) and secondly how no one seems to cut to the real heart of the issues on the show. I know I know, its a comedy and you shouldn't have to think while you watch a comedy, but I disagree! I think you should always think critically when watching something, ask questions, questions the characters actions, question why the writers and producers have the characters say certain things! Comedy is when you watch stuff and then your mind processes the thoughts through different parts of your brain. You watch a thing and your mind processes it through its understanding of the world and how things work, through your feelings on the subject, though cultural references that may be present, through enjoying the unexpected, through your own experiences, through irony, through sarcasm and all this in the blink of an eye and you laugh. Humour is complex, drama is easy. Comedy is where we should tackle social issues personal issues and life in general! If you just sit back and listen to a show with out thinking it will effect your mind subconsciously (which is how we get people who say they feel certain ways but when asked why they feel that way they say they don't know). I think comedy's should involve realistic people and realistic events. Now I heard an character in the movie Knocked Up say that Everybody Loves Raymond is like real life but funny and having enjoyed the realistic characters in that movie I decided to see what the funny version of life is. Well if Everybody Loves Raymond is the funny version of life life is garbage! I do not relate to the characters on Everybody Loves Raymond at all! They all seem so very disrespectful and uncaring of others, they remind me of high school bullies! It makes me wonder if the world is messed up cause their are lots of people like this out there? If my family was like that I'd disown them! Each episode seems to revolve around someone getting mad at someone else and then them arguing over it with no real discussion and then "resolving" the issue in a way that doesn't show an understanding of the root of the issue but is basically a stop-gab measure for the issue. Which means the same issue will just keep coming up and just keep being a problem and instead of solving the issues slowly though life and bettering life in the process they waste their life fighting over the same issues time and time again. Now with the understanding humanity has on psychology you'd think they could better them selves but no, forget tackling the issues like an informed adult! Lets all be kids! I funking hate Raymond and I hate how the characters in the show interact. Sure its funny, but so is the three stooges (and look how out dated they are!), the point being we should have moved past this type of show in the 80's. I think the worlds ready for better shows with more realistic characters that are still funny. But I've been waiting for decades so I wont hold my breath!

What me blog?

So finally I have leapt into the 21st century, how so? I have a blog! Why the blog? My girlfriend hates it when I complain about TV shows while we watch them. I said I gotta complain, someone has to hear what I have to say! She said, sounds logical but don't tell me about it I don't care! Why don't you tell people you meet on the street about it or write a blog! The first few days on the street were okay, some thought I was homeless and gave me cash others listened to my rants, but no one really commented back on what I was saying. So i figured I'll try the blog, maybe then a dialogue will emerge!