Monday, 9 January 2012

The Longest Post in the Blogging World

Hi everyone! Bersercules here! (obviously I'm the only one who posts on this blog) This week shall be a good blogging week! I've got two video reviews for you. One for Tuesday and one for Thursday.

Anyway, last Friday I asked you to ask me questions, which I would then answer. So here they are!

YeamieWaffles - After that disaster where I asked you if you had anything secret to share about your past and you replied yes I'm going to be smart about how I word things this time, haha: What's life like in Canada (I think you live there!), and do you pity the rest of the world who will never get to regularly eat at Boston Pizza? How do you imagine life will be in maybe ten years time for yourself and for society in general? Do you have any idea where the heck Hasidic Plumber is these days? I loved that guy!

Bersercules - Canada is a great place (yes I live there, on the west coast) people are mellow and kind here. I don't eat Boston Pizza I eat Panago Pizza, its my favourite! and I pity the rest of the world who will never get to regularly eat Panago Pizza! (I spent my first adsense check on Panago Pizza!)

In ten years I think I will be in the same place as I am now and have been for years (being an adult in a long term relationship my life rarely changes... except when my girlfriend dyes her hair). I think the world will be the same as it is now but moving slowly to a better place (as it often does).
The last time I talked with the Hasidic Plumber he was in Buenos Aires and taking a break from blogging and his hectic plumbing job.

Pat Hatt - If a cat, a monkey and a duck all played scrabble who would win?

Bersercules - The one with the best word skills!

R - What kind of sport do you do?

Bersercules - None.

Lil Dreamer - Why do they call the airport a terminal if flying is supposed to be safe? Do fish ever get thirsty?

Bersercules - Flying is safe, it's the airport that can be terminal. Fish do get thirsty but they're swimming in it.

Cranky and Difficult - What is the average velocity of an unladen European Swallow?

Bersercules - The average velocity of an unladen European Swallow is 11 meters per second or 24 miles an hour.

D4 - Alright. What's your favourite television show of all time? How about old timey movie?... Do you like fish sticks?

Bersercules - Favourite dramatic TV show: OZ. Favourite comedy TV show: Red Dwarf. Favourite old movie: Seven Samurais. (favourite movie I reviewed as the ol' timey movie reviewer: Brainiac.) No, I'm not a gay fish.

My 2 Pesos - What would you do if you could live forever?

Bersercules - I would try and make the world a better place. And I'd travel around the world decapitating other immortals and absorbing their powers.


Sub-Radar-Mike - Would you ever dye your beard a crazy color? Which crayon color tastes the best? What's the best song that you've ever heard?

Bersercules - I dyed my hair once, I think I'd die my beard too if I had the chance (I'd dye it what ever colour seemed the silliest!). I've never eaten a crayon before but my favourite marker flavour is purple! My favourite song is the live version of the song Alone by the Blues Traveler (from there album Live from the Fall) version of that song on the internet to add a link to...

Natural One - How did you come up with your nic-name?

Bersercules - I've liked the word berserk for many years (its used in my favourite song) and I like the name Hercules so I put them together! I thought it was a funny name and when I decided to start blogging I figured I'd use that for myself.

Mark - Do you have a name for your beard? Or are you not that attached to him? Was that pun intended? Is your current girlfriend the same one from the old timey videos and if so how long have you been together? Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Bersercules - No. It comes and goes. Each time it regrows its a new one with different hair. No. Yes, she is the same girlfriend from the ol' timey videos and we've been together since April 6th 2004. I am the devil in the pale moonlight.

Libby - If you had to be stuck as a contestant on a game show for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?

Bersercules - I'm not totally sure, either a crazy Japanese game show or a dirty porno show.

The Angry Lurker - Your zombie weapon of choice.....?

Bersercules - A hammer. Its light easy to swing around and is heavy enough to do damage to a head. I have one in my office and one next to my bed just in case a robber breaks into my place, so therefor its also ready in case of a zombie emergency!

MRanthrope - if you could pull a Last Action Hero and magically appear inside any movie... which film would you pick?

Bersercules - I forget what it was called but it was a porno with lots of girls doing lots of things...

Skag - Why is the sky blue?

Bersercules - Because the wavelength and the frequency of the sky match the colour blue.

Anne - You are knowledgeable in a lot of subjects (I know this because I've seen you comment on other pages), so I want to know how you spent your time as a kid. Did you read alot? Were you a kid with questions that couldn't wait to get answers? And what topics outside of movies, comics and telly shows interest you the most?

Long response coming in...

Bersercules - As a kid I didn't watch lots of TV. I spent most of my childhood drawing and writing and sitting around thinking. I didn't have any friends so I had a lot of time to think. As I learnt things I assessed and processed them and thought them through to there logical conclusion. Things that didn't make sense I ignored and things that did I incorporated into my mind. As I did this my foundation of knowledge was built. Once your mind does this it becomes easier and easier to see through false information and cut to the truth of the matter. Most people I know believe things cause they were told to, I only believe things if I know they are true. And after high school as I went into the work force and did lame menial jobs I kept my mind going by always drawing and writing in my spare time and by reading and watching documentaries. Since I never had the money to go to university even if I had wanted to I didn't take classes in school that I would need to go to university. So instead of taking lots of extra science classes and math classes and history classes I took the required ones of those subjects and filled out the rest of my years with extra classes like: art, cooking, law, psychology (which have helped me a lot in my life).

I rarely read as a kid, I see words as colours and shapes so reading was difficult. In the last ten years I've practised more with reading and gotten better with it. My spelling also sucks.

I rarely looked to others for answers as a kid, opting instead to think for myself, I surpassed my parents intelligence level when I was young.

I love learning about psychology and science and how things work and how society could be improved and better run (specifically with a resourced based economy as proposed by Jacque Fresco of the Venus project).

Jacque Fresco of the Venus Project

I also like learning about history (specifically ancient Roman times) and I like to play strategy video games like Civilization 3 and Ceaser 3 (mostly about ancient Roman times).

Mike - What is the meaning of life?

Bersercules - To help others and try and make the world a better place.

Simon black - Would you rather kidnap a fat chick or get kidnapped by a fat chick.

Bersercules - I do love imprisoned woman! and I hate to be imprisoned. So I'd kidnap a fat chick! Heck I could stick her in the well in my basement!

It puts the lotion in the basket!

Baur - What kind of computer do you use to blog

Bersercules - I don't know... um... huh, I answered the question of the meaning of life easily but this is stumping me... its black... and theres writing on it...

SecondLifer - If you were a blowfish, would you follow hootie?

Bersercules - Yes.

convictus - what does it feel like to be internet famous?

Bersercules - I don't know.

DEZMOND - Well, since Anne was so dear to ask you some naughty questions, do you have any spicy gossips about her?

Bersercules - No. She is a mystery to me.

Henry - Have you ever wrestled a bear?

Bersercules - No. But I did get close to a bear once... but he didn't seem to wanna wrestle.

Fitizen - Are you happy?

Bersercules - Yes.

Tonkow - How do I know if I am gay?

Bersercules - You'll find yourself sexually attracted to men and not woman. (if you find yourself attracted to both then you're bi)

Mochileiro - What do you think about Michel Telo?

Bersercules - I checked him out on google, he seems to be a singer who appeals to the ladies.

Adam - Maryann or Ginger?

Bersercules - Mrs. Howell.

Mich - Have you ever watched any of Alejandro Jodorowsky's films? I think you should review one. I would recommend El Topo.

Bersercules - No. I checked him out on google. His movies seem odd and... um, something. I'll have to check one out some time!

Imaoitsjesus - Best TV show out now?

Bersercules - I don't know. I'm not up on all the latest shows! My favourites are probably The Walking Dead and The Big Bang Theory.

Zap McBlowfist - my question is: have you checked out my blog yet?

Bersercules - Yes.

Heaven. - Do you like popsicles?

Bersercules - I don't like to eat them but I do like watching girls eat them!

msmariah - Who's your favourite actor to portray Hercules? Mine is Steve Reeves.

Bersercules - Alan Steel.

He stared in Hercules Against the Moon Men.

The Herc fights aliens from the moon! Whats not to like?!

Rachel Neilson - Do you like blogging?

Bersercules - Yes.

JaeSunEx - What first got you into blogging?

Bersercules - I saw a picture with writing on it.

Kristjan - If you would have the power to bring one famous people back from the dead, who would it be?

Bersercules - Bobby Sheehan bassist for the Blues Traveler.

Bonafide Jones - What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Bersercules - African or European?

i_love_weed - who do you think is the most competent presidential candidate weve seen so far? (for 2012)

Bersercules - I don't know too much about American politics but my favourite American politician is Ralph Nader (I know hes not running in 2012 but anyway).

BragonDorn - What evidence is backing up the theory of the world being round and there is not just a drop off point other than fake pictures from outer space?

Bersercules - If you keep walking forward you'll end up back where you started.

Craig Hansen - What happens at the center of a black hole?

Bersercules - I happen.

Alex Rowe - Bruce Lee appears before you . He has his hands held out in front of him, closed into fists, and tells you that in one of them he is holding an invitation to be his student. If you are able to pick the correctly you earn his respect and he takes you in as a pupil. If you pick the wrong one, he one-inch punches you through the wall. Do you accept, and if you do, which hand do you pick?

Bersercules - (earn his respect by guessing on something?) I'd accept and pick his left hand.

heddin - Why are you never berserk? I NEED TO KNOW


Generally Disgruntled - If you could have one job within the moving picture industry, what would it be and why?

Bersercules - I'd be an actor, then I could get famous and become a director and then write, direct and star in a movie (which is my dream).

Shaw - what's your favorite tv show that is currently running?

Bersercules - The Walking Dead and The Big Bang Theory.

Dylanthulhu - How do you feel about Breaking Bad?

Bersercules - Sounds like a good show, I'm waiting till I have spare time to check it out.

hipster.brah - do you like turtles?

Bersercules - Yes, specially if they're teenage, mutant and ninja-ish!

Trainer - Why my exgf is so b****?

Bersercules - Once you dump someone you usually have a negative view of them.

CodingAndHacking - What if what we see in space is just a collection of posters and the sun is just a bright lightbulb

Bersercules - Then where probably in a giants twelve year olds bed room.

Rachel Neilson - Have you ever seen a ghost?

Bersercules - No.

DWei - A train leaves Boston at 16 miles an hour and a car leaves Las Vegas at 50 kilometers an hour. What is the mass of the Sun?

Bersercules - Well if a train leaving Boston maintains its sixteen miles an hour pace then the suns mass is- 1.98892 x 10 to the power of 30 kilograms.

JDC - As a mix of Hercules and a berserker, what are your thoughts on the mix of Gumby and Hercules, also known as Gumbercuels?

Bersercules - Gumbercules! I love that guy!

Lord Phrozen - What is the circumference of a moose?

Bersercules - 42

T. Roger Thomas - What's your favorite TV show that is still airing new episodes regularly?

Bersercules - The Walking Dead and The Big Bang Theory.

And thats all folks!


  1. Why did everything get smaller after Highlander? I guess everything gets smaller and less important when your immortal.

  2. LOL such fun answers indeed, a tad self obessed but I won't hold that against you. However Mrs. Howell??? I may hold that against you. Seeing a picture with words on it..hahaha awesome.

  3. I don't care about how long this is man, it really was an excellent read. Some of these answers are great, they really are. Your popsicle answer made me laugh so hard for some reason, I guess I'm pretty immature or something.

    That's sucky about Plumber though. I really miss his awesome comments and being able to discuss soccer/football with him, the guy really knew a lot.

  4. ahahah nice Q&A
    I like the tag for the post :P

  5. Okay this is going to take more than just one comment from me to deal with. So consider this the first one to occur over the next 24 hours. You have synesthesia! You see words in colours and shapes. I do the same thing and also do it with music, so does Hubby. Mrs. Howell, brilliant! And I'm not surprised at The Big Bang Theory Bazinga!. And a hammer is an excellent choice for a weapon against zombies!

  6. I'm now envious that you have made a longer post than me, though so have others. I couldn't work out that you were Canadian, I freakin fail, but I do love Canada and would love to stop by sometime. You've been with her a while :) Any kids or wedding rings involved yet? Or does she see you as enough of a kid to deal with for now?

    In a good way of course.

  7. @Pat Hatt Whats wrong with Mrs. Howell? She was quite the lady!

    @YeamieWaffles If laughing at the popsicle answer is immature then me writing it mean I must be very immature!... and I am!

    Yeah I miss the Plumber too! I sometimes wonder if he'll ever come back...

    @Vulcan Raven Glad you liked it!

    @Anne Glad you liked the post! I can't wait to hear more of what you have to say! I knew it was something like that (synesthesia). I heard it mentioned in the TV show OZ once and that is when I realized not everyone sees the same way as me!

    @hipster.brah Glad you like it! Turtle power!

    @Mark You can always make a longer post if you post your whole book. You didn't know I was Canadian? I thought that came up once? She's not into marrage and doesn't want kids (I'd have married her years ago other wise) and she has ten cats so they're like her kids.
    (when she talks to the cats she refers to me as daddy and when I talk to the cats I refer to her as mommy)

  8. Thanks for answer. But she stills is a *****.
    lol that label

  9. She has ten cats? Awesome. It really is. I would post an entire book in one go but then I Won't make money out of the people who can't be bothered to just look at the vault to find all the past posts that it's in.

  10. Just an awesome post, I don't know anything else to say about it.

  11. Some damn good questions and damn good answers, took a while to read though....

  12. This is a wonderful insight to our mighty beserk herc.

  13. haha she might throw out a hip or something but then I'm sure on the island they'll find some grass, growing in coconut leftovers that can magically heal such a thing.

  14. @Trainer Glad you like it!

    @Mark Ten cats is catariffic! The more you right the more ideas you have. Write a book a week!

    @R Thats how I feel about your comment!

    @The Angry Lurker Ya, I didn't expect to get that many comments. (I think the post got the most comments of any of my posts!)

    @R.gers Glad you liked the insight!

    @The Observer Thanks!

    @Pat Hatt But I'd never be on the island. If I met her it would be because she was back in civilisation (and a zombie cause shes been dead for decades!)

  15. This is awesome. You win 100 Internet points for Oz (great show), saying "it puts the lotion in the basket," and banging Mrs. Howell. Give it to the ol' bat!

  16. I love your witty Q&A banter. Im happy too.

  17. Holy crapparooni that is a long post!
    I love that you had to answer about your favorite tv show about 3 times and that you mentioned OZ as one of your favorites. I still love watching that show and will turn on random episodes every now and then just for the hell of it.

  18. I've seen bigger.....

    Just kidding man, great post. Actually took the time to read it. Nice to see someone put some good quality work into their blog for once and not worry about length.

  19. Craig Hansen - What happens at the center of a black hole?

    Bersercules - I happen.

    Think i just fell in love /swoon

  20. I feel so close to you right now. Like we've shared an intimate moment. So I feel that I can ask, is the Walking Dead making you bash your head on a hard surface while watching it this season waiting for something exciting to happen? Or is that just me?

  21. Hahaha, I should have asked if you went berserk too...

  22. Big post indeed, thanks for answering the question, i laughed ;D

  23. I was wondering what happened to The Hasidic Plumber too. I like your answer to what happens at the center of a black hole. And I didn't know there was a Gumbercules. I also didn't know people weren't aware you were Canadian. I've never seen OZ, I'll have to check it out. And I noticed you asked a question at the top of the comments. I think you mean Highlander a movie? There were immortals in that. Things keep getting smaller because entropy rules and little bits are coming off everyday. But I'm immortal. Can't even kill me by driving a stake into my heart.

  24. that was an EPIC post man. Glad you answered my question too!

  25. Good questions.

  26. I read enough post, so I'm not reading the comments. In case they didn't answer, it got smaller after highlander because of the text "HIGHLANDER!!!" was small and so switched it all up. I used to get the same problem.

    Also, you're a pretty cool guy. I like you.

  27. Holy crap buckets that was a very long post. #tldr

  28. Think of it as Bruce Lee testing your courage (which, incidentally, would be a test to earn his respect).

  29. @A Beer for the Shower Ya! A hundred internets for me?! Thanks! Glad to hear you like OZ too! And if I can I will give it to the old bat!

    @Copyboy I'm glad to hear both those things!

    @JOutlaw I love OZ too and have them all on DVD so will watch the show from begining to end each year in the summer.

    @WeiseGuy Glad to hear you enjoyed the post! And Mark also told me hes seen longer posts... I'll have to watch out for them!

    @Zap McBlowfist Glad you enjoyed that answer.

    @jerzey72 Glad you liked it!

    @Jessica Jenkins I haven't watched all the latest episodes but I am kind of annoyed its going slow. But I've read all the comics up to number 80 so I know whats gonna happen next and I know what there saving up for in season three. Hopefully then it will get better!


    @CodingAndHacking Glad you enjoyed the answers!

    @Anne Gumbercules is a joke from an episode of Futurama, he is never seen just mentioned. I was surprised Mark didn't know I was Canadian either---- YOU'VE NEVER SEEN OZ!!!! WHAT THE F#@%!!!! HOLY MOLY!!! You've gotta go check it out! Its a great show!
    OZ is about a prison full of prisoners. It can be dramatic, funny, intense and serious. Its full of swearing, killing, violence, realistic characters, and naked men with there dicks floping around butt raping eachother!

    @MRanthrope Glad you liked it! Thanks for asking a question!

    @My 2 Pesos Good comment!

    @heddin Yaa!

    @D4 Oh okay. Thanks! I had problems like this before with posts and its good to know its blogger doing it and not me.

    @convictus I concur.

    @Alex Rowe Thats a good way to think of it.

  30. Meh... I've seen longer. Very good story though.

  31. Check out Breaking Bad soon! It's really good and intense. It's not like Big Bang Theory or Walking Dead.

    AND of course I dress like I dress on my blog in real life! I wouldn't just buy a bunch of stuff to wear just on the blog. I'm a librarian, which means I'm POOR :)

    Mabel Time

  32. Are you taking applications or should I just assume you'll be kidnapping me soon?

  33. i cant believe i acutally read the whole post... im going to bed now ^^

  34. Hey Bersercules, what is your favorite TV show? lol.

    Damn, you're smart! I learned a lot the origin of your name and the mass of the sun. (Guess which fact I'll retain four minutes from now?)

  35. Wow.. that was a long post.. I'm almost too tired to leave a proper comment :P And i'm glad that i read it because now i know what's in the centre of black holes!

  36. yup, this is indeed the longest blog post in the world.... ;)

  37. Naked men, naked men and violence. Christ, that show was made for me. Minus the butt raping. Great job on this post big guy!

  38. @BragonDorn Your probably right. Thanks!

    @Mabel I'll have to check it out soon then!

    @Heaven. As soon as I can I'm comming to get you and put you in my basement well! (but I gotta dig it out first... the basement and the well!)

    @T. Rogers Thomas No problem!

    @Mekkor Have a good night!

    @Insomniac #4 I'm guessing you'll remember the moose circumfrance fact!

    @annoymouse Glad I could help! And watch out some sceintists don't believe the fact about black holes.

    @Jay Ya! I can die happy now!

    @Anne Thanks! I hope you do watch the show!

  39. Hah! You answered my question wrong.

    It's Micheal Bailon's face stuck in a pie multiplied by Douglas Adams squared.