Hi! I'm Bersercules the Berserk Herc!
Hey! It's Thursday! and some of you know what that means! Its video review day!! Yay!!
Here it is:
I hope you all enjoy!
Hey! It's Thursday! and some of you know what that means! Its video review day!! Yay!!
Here it is:
I hope you all enjoy!
Since when do porno movies pretend to have legitimate plots? That's just perverse.
ReplyDeleteI guess some people get off on plots!
DeleteWell at least they added something to make a boring movie non-boring.
ReplyDeleteYep, nudity is the spice of life!
Delete"coitus interruptus", the interrogation scene you recreated, "caught pink handed" and of course my favorite "WTF" moments too - oh how I've missed you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed the review and all thoughs scenes! (and I'm glad there was a WTF moment in this review!) I'm glad to be back!!
DeleteHaha I have to love your videos man, I won't lie, I've missed you a lot. It's so weird that this is like a half erotic, half crime film, "and by working on a spread, he means her leg was open," made me laugh so much. I kind of want to watch this film unedited though now, as weird as that sounds haha.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, the movie is kinda fun to watch! Theres not much more to it though, just more nudity and long boring talks... and I mean long boring talks!! I could have made a joke about the long boring conversations the characters where having but then I'd have to show the long boring scenes, and that would have been too much!
DeleteI think every movie should be half erotic! Alien should be half horror and half erotic! Ellen Ripley should have hand sex with each guy before they died! Jurasic Park should have been half scifi half erotic and had Ellie Sattler get naked a lot while being chased by dinosaurs. And Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs should have been half fairytale half erotic and had the Seven Dwarfs circle round Sno--- you get the idea!
Nice review, man!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteWhat bothered me was that I've seen this movie (the shame) but also the black bars, your review was better than the full movie!
ReplyDeleteYeah it sucked I had to use black bars! Darn YouTube and its nudity policies! I like my review, but I also like nudity, so I don't know what I like better, the actual movie or my review!!
DeleteI think the real sin of this movie were the black bars.
ReplyDeleteAs far as plot, who needs plot when there's naked bouncy-bouncy going on?
Unless there's black bars, too.
Then I'll probably just read a book.
With naked pictures.
Sans black bars.
The movie didn't sin, I did! I added the black bars. Darn YouTube!!
DeleteI agree with you about the plot not being needed if there's bouncy-bouncy, but unforchanetly half the movie is bouncy-bouncy free!
The eighth deadly sin is black bars!!
Reading a book is good but there are more pictures in magazines!!
This is so entertaining! You made my day haha.
ReplyDeleteSweet Jesus in a dump truck! It's easy to see how O.J. got off, if this is the kind of detective work the L.A.P.D. is doing. Though I guess their methods actually worked this time. :/ My theory is that the guy who plays the photographer and the photographer's twin, is also the director. Being that no one in their right mind would finance a piece of crap film like this, he probably spent his life savings paying to make it. The film was a complete dud, but at least he got his money's worth as far as getting to have fake secks with all the actresses, and forcing them all to pretend he was really reaaallyy reaaaaallly good looking.
ReplyDeleteI never thought of that! You are probably totaly right! And if I'm ever rich, I'm doing the same thing! I'll make a documentary style movie called: Bersercules the Berserk Herc is so hot I travelled from the other side of the world to please him! And it will be about how girls all over the world would flock to me to do my bidding! Very legit! ... that's believable right?
DeleteAs Jack Black said at the end of that one Tenacious D album, "Oyy beelieve!"
DeleteTheres also that Tenacious D album that ends with "Hail Satan! Hail Satan!"
DeleteThere is so much I am yet to learn on the history of hailing Satan.
DeleteI sense an indepth post about the origans of the dark one!
Deletehow come you always wear the same green shirt in your videos, Berserc? Not that I don't approve of the colour light green :)
ReplyDeleteUnforchantly I'm not well off financially and when I started filming these videos back in October of 2011 I only had three usable shirts a brown one a blue one and a green one. (I have other shirts as seen in the Johnny Jupiter end scene but I don't quite fit them cause of weight gain years ago.) The brown and blue are heavely featured in my early reviews, but I did some reviews in the green (the first Thundarr review) and then when I wore the green shirt for my Christmas videos back in 2011 I started to really like how it fit, and about that same time I realized that when I'm sitting on my couch (which I use to do in the old videos) my shirts made me blend into the background/couch! I didn't notice at first cause when I look at the raw video it is clear, then when I publish the edited video it is still kind of clear, but then when I publish it on YouTube the quality goes down hard!! And I didn't notice (cause I never watched my videos on YouTube) for the first three months! So with me not looking as clear in brown or blue I kept with the green, and since I'd gotten use to it I kept it even though I don't use the couch anymore!
DeleteSide note, four videos from now I will be wearing a different shirt intirely cause of a circumstance/joke in the review... (I've lost some weight resently and am now starting to fit my old clothes better.)
thanks for the detailed explanation :)
DeleteJust don't do a shirtless video.... not that the ladies would mind :)
Don't worry! They'll be not shirtless review from me!... inless it works with a joke...
DeleteI think you had ulterior motives for reviewing this movie with a bad plot. Or was it a porno with a bad plot? I could have been told otherwise and believed you.
ReplyDeleteMy motives are always the same... I review the movie cause I'm trying to take over the world. Sure not the most effective method but I don't think its been tried before so I thought what the heck!
DeleteI wish I lived in an erotic reality...
ReplyDeleteTruer words never spoken.
DeleteI feel like we have seen way too much simulated masturbation out of you Mr. Besercules
ReplyDeleteYeah, its kind of weird but it's just cause it was two erotic/nudey movies close together! Don't worry I wont be doing it much anymore, but I couldn't not for this movie! The female detective does it, so I have to mock her for it!! And imitation is the lamest/easiest form of mocking! So its right up my ally!! ... just like her fingers were right up her ally!!
DeleteAnd at least I figured out who Jack the Ripper was! (ps the answer is Redjac, that spirit/creature from the Star Trek episode!)
whoa, getting assassinated during sex is probably the best way to go ever.
ReplyDeleteNo, dying while in an threesome is the best way to go!!
Deletelol its up there
DeleteDying of fatigue after breaking the world record of having the most sex in a day with the most amount of super hot modles!!
DeleteYou know, I was convinced pretty much through the whole thing that the Medical Examiner was going to end up being the bad guy. There was just something creepy about the way he hugged her while wearing those rather unsanitary looking plastic gloves.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he is the true bad guy! Maybe he plans to give her a weird corpse disease and kill her!
DeleteLOL wow that sounds so pathetic movie wise
ReplyDeleteBut some of it is nice on the eyes
Although your masturbating in the room
And all the rest of it just brings doom haha
Not sure great would be a word I'd use
But whatever lights your fuse haha
Brings doom? Are you saying me masterbating is one of the signs of the apocolypse?
DeleteWell we are getting close to Dec.21. Does that mean the mayans watched you masterbate? haha
DeleteProbably... I hope they enjoyed.
DeleteAt first I was like "lol this is ok" and as it went on it changed to "oh crap, I know exactly what's gonna happen next"
ReplyDeleteAd least you didn't have to watch the whole movie! Or are you saying my review was predictable?... I guess my reviews are always predictable, show a clip, comment, sum up stuff, comment, say WTF, imatate, comment, look confused, sum up, comment, say "that's it, it's now the end", and that's all...
DeleteThe only thing that shocked me about the movie was the womans detective techniques! I didn't see that comming!
It's the masturbation scenes in CSI that always take me out of the suspension of disbelief. But maybe we're wrong and they're right. Maybe the key to detective work is jerking off to the victim. But I'd totally watch "The Masturbation Detective" or "The Jack-Officer".
ReplyDeleteSide notes: "Cut the flashback answer, I want standard dialogue!" That line killed me, or, maybe "I know who Jack the Ripper was!" And thank you, for the "Humpty Dance" reference.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go...solve the JonBenet Ramsey case...Yeah, that's it.
the comment bellow is my response.
DeleteCSI: Jerksville is a pretty cool show, but they could tone down the masterbating scenes! And I'm glad Murder, she Masterbated only lasted that one season! And old lady flickin' the bean to solve crimes doesn't really shout "Must See TV!"
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the lines and the Humpty Dance reference!
And I already solved the JonBenet Ramsey case, and who framed Roger Rabbit...
The correct response after being caught wanking off is not to sit and have a chat with the guy who is the twin of the guy you were wanking off to. The correct response is to crawl underneath the nearest rock.
ReplyDeleteShe and her detective boyfriend making up after he's seen her with another man. I find that suspicious. I think he was only going to use her to get off after watching the video and then dump her!
Do you always masturbate with your left hand, because if we ever meet I have to know it's safe to shake your right hand and not come away with a sticky palm (pun intended!).
The best response after being caught wanking off is to then take a bow!
DeleteYou might be right about that, or maybe he just always wants to date his partner so he can get some at work daily!
I am left handed, but I can do some things with either hand. That is one of them. So I guess if we meet we'll have to just bow like the Japanese do.
But you shall bow lower than I!!
DeleteAre you my master?
Deleteobvious spread joke was obvious
ReplyDeleteYep. I try and through in a few obvious jokes here and there. I try to be all-encompassing.
DeleteYou know, I just realized you have a ton of review material if focused on all of these awful "erotic films" that decided regular pornos had way too little poorly written plot.
DeleteYeah I have been favouring erotic films lately. Its just cause there is so much to say!! (if youtube allowed nudity and sex, I'd probably review a few of the harder movies, cause they can just be silly!!)
DeleteThe movie really picked up at the 'climax'. This actress certainly swallowed her pride (among other things). Damn, I suck at sexual innuendos.
ReplyDeleteHilarious review once again! What would have made this movie better would be to get rid of the male characters, the plot, and the clothes.
You're totally right! This movie with an all female nude cast would have made it an instant classic!!
DeleteSo classic!
ReplyDeleteThis film should be used in marriage counselling
ReplyDeleteRight on! It would be very effective!!
DeleteWhat a twisted love triangle....or was it an octagon?
ReplyDeleteIf I ever commit a crime I will be sure to have a full arsenal of video of myself having sex. The detective will stop the investigation, masturbate to my sexy white ass and forget why I am suspect to begin with. I will then seduce the hot detective and make a clean get away!
My plan is pure genius I tell ya! I figured it out while jerking off! Because, you know, all of our best deep thinking occurs during self pleasure!
Good to see you back!
I think it was more of a pentagram...
DeleteGood luck with your crime plans! Don't forget to film every moment of it so you could turn around an make a movie of your experiences!
(Don't tell anyone but thats how I right all my reviews!!)
Glad to be back!!