Hi! I'm Bersercules, the Berserk Herc! and today I'll be reviewing a movie (yeah yeah I know I normally review TV shows but hey, who really cares!) called The Great Skycopter Rescue! Wow what a fun lovin' adventurey type film this must be!
Here's me with the tape! Yep just another flimsy excuse to put a picture of me in my blog!
So the movie starts off with shot after shot of still pictures of flying machines in sepia tone...
Wow! Pink Panther opening credits eat your heart out!
Wow! Screw car chases and explosions! This is where its at! Can you imagine a whole opening sequence of shot after shot of pictures like this! I bet you wish I made this is to a video review!
So after the credits to end all credits end we are then treated to a shot of bikers hanging around in the dark complaining about the national inflation...
Cause if there's one thing bikers hate it's a financial inflation! and that leads to the leader of the bikers making a phone call to another thing bikers hate! A radio DJ!...
... who is... um... wearing an astronaut costume?... what the heck!? Why is he in an astronaut costume?! Is this some kind of weird wacky movie? or is this a subtle joke I don't get?
Anyway the Astronaut/DiscJockey exchanges insults with the Bikers Gang Leader and then the movie turns to the next day where we see a grocery store is having its grand opening with the help of a country music band and the Astronaut DJ!
So they're promoting their grocery stores grand opening with cowboys and astronauts? Geepers! Those are two genres that go great together!
And nothing says food like cowboys and astronauts!
And I get why he's wearing his costume now, its for public appearances, but why was he wearing it last night while on the radio?
So our space cowboy here does his fun DJ talk for the crowd and gets them all exited about the stores opening (wow people in small towns get exited easily!) and then some girls jump up on stage to fawn all over him... small town girls have low standards... small town America here I come!
Is he the gangster of love?
And while all that is happening the biker gang is busy planting dynamite under his van. So as the "event" (if you can even call it that) ends our SpaceCowboy/GansterOfLove/RadioDiscJockey leaves the young girls behind and heads off alone to who knows where in his van!
Well the bikers know where, they've set a trap for him! While driving down a road he is waved to the side by a hot girl, who tells him her car is on fire and her "friend" is trapped inside, when he rushes over to the car on fire to help the "friend" the bikers blow up his van and the explosion knocks him into a ditch!
There's most of the movies budget! up in smoke!
The bikers ride off laughing and a guy in a small plane sees the smoke and goes to investigate.
The small, small plane, pilot meets up with our space DJ and they exchange silly banter and stupid insults in standard buddy comedy fashion, oh cool! They're like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid! But with a space motif!
Snoop Flyskey and the Dumbass Kid: In Space!
Anyway our bland-namic duo quickly becomes friends as the pilot asks the spaceman back to his place for some beer!
The SpaceMan Jim agrees and they fly off in his plane!
Back to his place...
... which is full of empty beer cans......
... where they sit on a couch and drink beer.
So as they sit and drink and share their life stories! we find out that the small guy is a self employed plane maker, who owns an airfield, and through visual cues we see that he is as much an avid drinker as he is an avid flier!
Our DJ SpaceMan then heads back to his radio show and
... um, so is he just always wearing that space suit? What the heck?! This is the second time he's been DJing with the outfit on! Whats the point of a gimmick like that if your on the radio?
Whats next? a guy dressed as a superhero called "Electric Weany"?
...
...
...
...
yes!
and now a radio host dressed up as a superhero!... they know its just radio and not TV right?
They know people can't see them when they're on the air right? and they could just pretend they're in those costumes and no one would know? Right? They know that right?
Geepers who else is gonna be in this film?
The professor?!! What the heck?!
How'd he get off the island!?!
Make me a skycopter out of coconuts please!
And now back to our heroes who are sitting on a couch drinking beer... again...
and one of them is shirtless...
Where is this going?
The shirtless man then makes his new friend an offer to join him in his skycopter business and to move into his house with him so they can both work and live together and the Space DJ agrees!
When are these two just gonna admit it and get out of the closet?
Anyway they then try out our mini pilots knew invention, the skycopter, as we're treated to a long drawn out shot of them flying around in it.
The scene is like this picture...
if you were to stare at it for minutes at a time.
So then SpaceMan Dink borrows flyboys car and drives to the radio station and quits his secure well paying job as a radio disc jockey to become a skycopter pilot for some yokel who makes his own planes.
Every mans dreams!
And as he drives back to his new residence he is attacked by the bike gang as they pelt his car with chains!
ahh remember the days when biker gangs had
nothing better to do then to hassle disc jockeys!
So with the bikers assault over he goes to his new place and chats with his friend on the couch awhile
and then they go out and fly around
ahh what great angles they have for this movie!
and now with their flying done they go back to the couch
Fly, couch, fly, couch! Geepers! if they had a flying couch they'd never have to stop drinking beers!
So any way since that was just a couch sitting scene we now move on to the next scene, which is, you guessed it, a flying scene!
After flying around they change it up a bit and go in to a soda shop
and then they see two young girls and go and hit on them
ahh the 70's, when you could fly your skycopter around all day
then go to a soda shop and pick up two big breasted girls!
So being the 70's they take the girls to a disco and disco dance all night long!
(I'll save you from a visual of that!)
We now head over to the villain of this movie who has found out the town our main characters live in, is on oil rich land and devises a scheme in which he hires bikers to harass the people of the town so they'll wanna sell their land to him and to avoid interference he pays off the sheriff!
The next day as the skycopter duo flies around they meet a third skycopter pilot who turns out to be a girl one of them knows, and as dialogue explaining this happens, the scene changes from landing skycopters to a river scene with the two guys naked in the water and splashing around with the clothed female!
When are those two dudes just gonna give
up hanging out with girls and be a couple?
And its at this point the bikers make their move on the town as they start to harass people in a drive in restaurant!
They dump milk shakes on people, smash their cars, grope girls and even stealing from a Gilligan looking kid!
They even punch out the manager!
Say hello to my little ice cream cone!
They then take a girl out of her car and rip her top off exposing her bare breasts!
WHAT THE HECK!?!
I thought this was suppose to be a fun kids type movie! with cool explosions, funny costumes, cool cameos and wacky characters! Not some sexual assault filled movie!
The biker then hands the girl, with her breasts out, over to another of his men and tells him to take her around the corner and do what ever he wants with her!
And now theres implied rape?! Geepers! This is killing the fun buzz I had!
I'm all for titties and sex but implied rape and forced nudity in a fun kids-type movie is just going to far!
How the heck does a movie with tons of sexy woman never getting naked, a cameo from the cast of Gilligan's Island, lots of fun light hearted characters and silly and goofy costumes then have forced nudity and implied rape!
Its like this movie is raping my mind!!
Then one of the big breasted girls from the soda shop scene makes an appearance as she witnesses whats going on and goes and tells the sheriff, finding him indifferent, she tells him she's going to the next town to get their sheriff and he then tries to stop her and ends up in a car chase with her that ends in her driving off a cliff! She crawls from the car before it blows up but the sheriff thinks she's still in it and is dead and he then smiles happily to himself...
I know hes being paid to let this stuff happen, but how corrupt must he be to be totally okay with killing innocent people!
This movie has taken a really dark turn!
Our skycopter trio then sees the wreck and goes to investigate, finding the girl she tells them her story as the bikers continue their siege of the town.
If only John McClane was on vacation in this town! or Paul Kersey was passing through town! they'd teach these punks a lesson! But no such luck! I guess its all up to these two skycopter flying, beer drinking, dumbasses to save the day!
So to make a long movie short, our high flying duo fly around in their skycopters, gather up some fellow fliers, make lots of bombs, then fly around town dropping bombs on the bikers (and killing them) and blowing up the sheriffs car and saving the town!
(Wow, what a blood bath for an ending! This is quite the change of pace from the funny costumed DJs!)
... and then go disco dancing!
So that's it, its now the end!
